Things I Learned When I Looked Up From Facebook: Crete & Greece Edition

Believe it or not, I was actually considering ending this little series I have going, due to the fact that I may have already covered the most ridiculous fashion eras. But then I stumbled upon my slides for Crete and Greece. My, oh my.

Do you (speaking to the ladies, here) enjoy your bra? Or having your breasts covered in general? Minoan women didn't:

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During this time, women's' breasts were seen as signs of power and life, so they were often put on display. Like trophies. Round, jiggly trophies. Too much? Sorry.

Sidenote: I'm humming the tune to "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty, only replacing fallin' with ballin'. Sorry, again.

Also, the fact that my professor had this slide up just makes me giggle:

*

Am I 13? Perhaps....

Okay, we all know that Greek men wore togas:

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Cue the "Free Ballin' Fallin'." 

But did you know that they also wore corsets?

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So, like this. Only, you know...more ancient-er.

It's good to know that men exposed themselves to the same type of abdominal torture they later expected women to endure : ). Bravo, gentlemen. Bra-vo.

Speaking of bras, on the rare occasion that Minoan women did feel like covering themselves up, they wore something like this:

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Very similar to today's bandeau.

That's all I have for y'all today! We'll see if I continue this next week...there are more eras that I find interesting, but I'm not quite sure if they'll be entertaining. 'Til next time! : )

*Property of Laurel Wilson, Professor at the University of Missouri.

Things I Learned When I Looked Up From Facebook: Ancient Egypt Edition

In searching through my History of Western Dress slides for the era with the second most potential for hilarity, (I'm pretty sure last week's edition, the 16th century, takes the cake for ridiculousness) I stumbled upon ancient Egypt.
Spoiler: leopard skin loin cloths are in your immediate future.

First off, lets talk about hats:

Apparently, if you wore this bad boy, you were kind of a big deal. However, I discovered an uncanny resemblance to this gentleman:

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Not to mention, Mr. Ancient up top is totally giving the suspicious side-eye like something's up. Conspiracy? Probably.

You could identify a priest by his bald head, short, straight beard, and his...loin cloth. Leopard skin loin cloth, at that. So basically, if he looked like today's stereotypical bouncer, drug dealer, and male stripper rolled into one, he was probably a Holyman. : )

Can we PLEASE talk about this wig? For once, I have no words. Oh, wait, yes I do: this and this (ears, specifically). Enough said.

Lastly, ladies used to wear cones of perfume on their heads to a) play like they didn't wreak and b) attract a fella'. Allegedly, these cones were made of oils and fats that were supposed to melt and mix with the wig.
I mean...................I just...............
You saw the wig, right?


*Unless otherwise linked/marked, all pictures are from the PowerPoint slides of Laurel Wilson, Professor at the University of Missouri.

Things I Learned When I Looked Up from Facebook: 16th Century Edition

This semester, I'm taking a class called "The History of Western Dress," and it's pretty awesome. Granted, I'm sort of a nerd about clothing, but I find this stuff way fascinating. It's not only what my Neolithic and 12th century sisters wore, but also why they wore it. (Sidenote: I'm also learning about the brothers. "Sisters" just fit better with the sassy tone I was going for). I could be way off base, but thought I'd take a whack at sharing some of the things I'm learning with you guys. What do you think? It goes without saying that I want this to be a space where I can write about what I want to write about, but I also want to feature things that my readers (and those I will hopefully gain in the future....)(was that awkward?) will enjoy. Basically, I'm completely open to suggestions, so if you hate this, please let me know. In a constructive way : ).
Ok, here goes. I'll try to leave the boring bits out.

This week, we're smack in the middle of the 16th century. Some Fun facts:

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The handkerchief was essentially invented because folks used to snort their tobacco, and needed something to sneeze it back out into.

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When soldiers would return from battle, their clothes would be torn and slashed all over. Duh. Seeing these alterations as a sign of victory, the wusses* and grannies who didn't go to war began imitating the soldiers, cutting slashes into their own clothing and pulling their underclothes through the slashes. The result was an armful or chestful of little white tufts, as seen above. An early form of bottom-up inspiration, if you will. But don't worry: you don't even have to say it. I feel the same way.

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A) How awkward is this picture? B) Dudes used to wear codpieces, but you already knew that. What you didn't know is that they frequently stuffed them with herbs to ward of the dreaded syphilis. I might've suggested, you know, just not sewing as many wild oats, but whatevs. Do you, gentlemen. Do you.

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According to Google, this is a portrait of Queen Elizabeth; note the ginger. Apparently, if you were a woman "of age" around the time of Elizabeth's reign, and you were sitting for your portrait, the final product would be complete with red hair, like Lizzy here, no matter what your natural color. What the queen did, you did. Control freak!

There, that wasn't so bad, right? I'm thinking about making this a sort-of reccuring theme, unless it's completely boring to everyone. Tell me what you think! 

*Term used solely for comical purposes. I don't actually believe people who don't go to war are wusses. War sucks.